The plight of teachers

I am a Sunday school teacher. Bet you didn’t see that one coming huh? What do u imagine Sunday school teachers look like? Grey pleated skirts, chunky woolen sweaters and wide rimmed glasses? Or do you imagine a bright yellow wig, red button nose and shoes that squeak when we walk? If you chose the latter, then you must have us confused with clowns and that is very offensive! Our wigs are actually brown.

Whenever I introduce myself to people I always lead with that just to unnerve them. Most guys never see it coming and watching them try to navigate that curve ball is a thing of delight. I love to watch the wheels turning in their heads, misconceptions clashing with stereotypes and the inevitable questions that eventually come to their minds. Is she a church freak? What exactly is a church freak? She must be really strict right? Why does she teach a room full of children? Does she want to have a room full of children?

For the serious men, those looking to settle down and make honest girls of the various ratchet chics they encounter, this is usually a good thing. It doesn’t deter them. If anything it sort of eggs them on. I think they believe that teaching a room full of young kids is a testament to having great organizational skills and general orderliness. Perhaps¬† there are those who want lots of kids and are now relieved to find out that I am among the few who would be amenable to the idea. Quite the misconception there but ok.

The ones I really enjoy unnerving are the not-so-serious type, the so-called bad boys. The ones who 10 seconds into meeting you have already pictured your legs wrapped around their necks. The ones who can’t stop grinning lasciviously at you if their whole life depended on it. Those are the ones who usually stammer and fumble for words repeating the words “really” and “that’s really cool” because they don’t really know what to say to a Sunday school teacher.

Which got me thinking, do we behave a certain way because of who someone else claims to be? I ask this because a lot of these guys on finding out about my Sunday activities now send me Bible verses every night. For some of them, finding out that there is a book in the Bible called Nahum would shock them to their very core, so they stick to the Proverbs and John 3:16. What amazes me is that I know these guys, they wouldn’t send a bible verse to their own mothers. So why do they send them to me? Is it the idea of finding common ground to bond over or a way of putting one’s best foot forward? Does being a Sunday school teacher mean I can’t receive those hilarious instagram memes done in sheng? Or know that Bruce recently changed into Caitlyn and refused to spell her name with a K? hehe

In light of all this, I decided to shed some light on this myth for all those who have met or will meet this delightful creature called a Sunday school teacher:

1. No. I do not want to have as many kids as I teach. That is not a pre-requisite for the job. I actually only want one..two if the first one is super quiet.

2. No. You cannot send me dirty videos. There is a connotation that comes with the title. So deduce, Sherlock. I really don’t want to see what those girls did in masaku 7’s.

3. “There’s a smudge of paint on your nose.may I?”…No, you may certainly not. Maybe I put it there to amuse the kids.

4. “Can i bring my kid over and later we can all go to splash?”..No, No, No…just No.

5. “I can see you love kids.¬† I have two kids with my ex-wife and one with my baby mama. I was wondering maybe…..” No, your reckless behavior does not need any more encouragement. It’s your “wandering” that got you here in the first place.

6. “Can I introduce you to my mum? you two would really get along….” No, I’m on to you pal! once we get along then what?

7. “You know I like it when they call me Big Poppa….” Sigh…. just go stand in that corner there and think about what you just said. And when you’re done the exit is to your left.

So relax. Just be yourself. You don’t have to change who you are just to conform with this other person. They will like you just the way you are regardless of their Sunday school affiliations. And who knows they might actually enjoy your acerbic wit and Kevin Hart impersonations. Or not. Either way that will be their problem not yours.